Snow White

First published in 2019, this tells the traditional story - well, almost.

Full-length Pantomime

Running time: about two hours

Songs: some songs are suggested

There is also a Reduced Version of this script. See details at the bottom of this page.

The Queen has an app on her mobile, rather than a mirror, to tell her who is the most beautiful person. But she needs her two geniuses to tell her how to make it work.

. Snow White is a gym enthusiast who is not impressed when the Dwarfs suggest that she's in charge of the housework. Ida No and Noah Dear are two palace servants entrusted with losing Snow White in the forest - they take her there to play Crazy Golf. In the forest lives a Giant Rabbit, with teeth like pitchforks and claws like electric drills.

The King is turning his Palace into a theme park with an impenetrable maze. And there's the army - Major Booboo and two soldiers called Not-Here and Nowhere.

Playing time: approximately 2 hours excluding interval

Characters

King Boniface

Queen Beatrice

Snow White

Leonardo ) geniuses

Gladys Einstein )

Ida No ) palace servants

Noah Dear )

Major Booboo

Private Not-Here

Private Nowhere

Hungry )

Thirsty )

Ravenous )

Gasping ) Small people living in the forest

Starving )

Famished )

Dying-for-a-Drink )

Giant Rabbit

Courtiers (optional)

Forest Animals (optional)

Voice (from mobile ‘phone, offstage, changing accents)

Extract from the script (beginning of Scene 1):

Queen: Quiet down there! A little respect, if you please! I am the Queen. And I am the most beautiful lady in the land. Probably the most beautiful lady in the world. What did you say? (She waits for audience response.) Oh, yes I am. (She shows her mobile phone.) This is the very latest mobile 'phone. You've heard of Samsung. This is a Hamstrung. And I have an App. It's an App called Mirror Mirror. What's that? You expected me to have a real mirror and you thought I'd be talking to it? No, this is technology. (She tries to get some response from her phone – without success.) It's not working. That's the trouble with technology. I need an expert. Is there a genius in the house?

(Enter Leonardo and Einstein from the auditorium. If that is not possible, they enter Stage Right.)

Leonardo and Einstein: (together) Yes! Yes! We're geniuses, Your Majesty!

Queen: (looking at them doubtfully) Well, let's not exaggerate. You're technical experts?

Leonardo: We certainly are.

Queen: I've never seen you before. What's your name?

Einstein: Einstein, Your Majesty.

Queen: Einstein?

Einstein: I said I was a genius.

Queen: (doubtful) You're Albert Einstein?

Einstein: Oh no, Your Majesty. I'm Gladys Einstein.

Queen: (scornful) Gladys Einstein?

Einstein: I'm a cousin. A fourth cousin. Twice removed.

Queen: A fourth cousin?

Einstein: That's an example of relativity.

Queen: (to Leonardo) And who are you?

Leonardo: Leonardo, Ma'am.

Queen: You painted the Mona Lisa?

Leonardo: No, not, no, not that Leonardo. I don't paint. Well, not often. I once painted an almost empty teapot.

Queen: An almost empty teapot?

Leonardo: I called it The Last Cuppa.

Queen: I give up. Geniuses! Now. My app isn't working.

Einstein: What do you call an App which doesn't work? (Pause – waits for audience suggestion.) A mis-App.

Reduced Version:

SNOW WHITE AND THE DWARF.

Same story, almost the same jokes.

Reduced cast of eight or possibly nine actors, with some doubling of roles.

Contact the author as above for further details.